Friday, 22 February 2013


Did you know that dolphins sleep with half their brain on?! If you did then, er...well done I guess. But if what I've just communicated with words is news to you, then...I know right! Woah! 

They keep half their brain on so that they're aware of any predators and use echolocation to monitor their situation, staying vigilant at all times. Now, just imagine how handy it would be to be able to do this. You could fall asleep on a night bus and remain relatively aware of any nut jobs staring or moving closer dribbling with anticipation and lust(this skill may be hampered by the number of units you've put away during the course of that evening though)or you could have a snooze at your desk without getting busted or you could doze off during a boring [insert appropriate]talk/presentation/play/ceremony/film/sermon but be aware if you need to laugh hard or clap at any given time, cunningly appearing moderately entertained...the possibilities are enthralling!

This half sleeping skill that dolphins have nailed also means that they can keep going for days, like a person with adhd on wizz at a weekender, but minus the toxic stimulation or sudden impulse to get naked and fall in a porta-loo (yo guy at Leeds '02, I've seen you). "Dolphins can continue to swim and think for days without rest or sleep, possibly indefinitely," Marine Biologist Branstetter told LiveScience. Dolphins wouldn't have needed pro-plus to muster enough energy to go hand in a dissertation written in one long day and night before the final deadline, dolphins wouldn't have to cave in after two days partying in Berlin and finally go get a bit of kip because they've started seeing double and can't feel their tongue which has become a bit swollen and phantom organ like, meaning that that fourth falafel wrap could well have been a discarded sock. Nope, they'd just keep on going...'indefinitely'!Can you high five with flippers?

Evolution's been kind to dolphins! Let's face it, they are a sublime creature - silly, smart, graceful, fun, magical and everything(watch Flipper for proof), plus they look great on t shirts and dream-catchers, inspiring a wave of tie-dye and acid wash clothing in the 90's. This little discovery is the icing on that dolphin shaped birthday cake everyone really wanted for their ninth birthday, but with extra sprinkles of wonderment on top. 

Dolphins, we can only dream about being as good as you. Dolphins of the world (that you probably secretly rule but us humans don't know because we're so much more stupid and rubbish than you are in every way)we salute you!Keep on going on!  

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