Diary Excerpt: For Keith's Pa

I had a dream that I was Keith Richards...well not actually Keith Richards, but I did snort my dead cat’s ashes - in the dream - and then I went to Dixie Chicken and the guy behind the counter turned into yoda but his name badge said Keith and he said he wasn't yoda, but I knew it was yoda, and I asked for some chips but he wasn't listening - too busy being Yoda - so I left Dixie Chicken and got on a bus and sat next to a Ninja who was doing subuko and everyone kept staring at me because I only had one shoe on (on my hand) and I was wearing a binbag, so I got off the bus...I blame the antibiotics.

Diary Excerpt: Snoop

As I left the house this morning a car with tinted windows pulled up and I asked myself the question, ‘Who would I most like to get outa that car?’, and immediately thought Jimmy Saville! But then I remembered he’s dead and felt sad so I bought myself a kinder egg on the way to work but the toy was another boring little racing car with a dodgie wheel so I decided to listen to George Harrison but my ipod wasn’t charged then a weird guy on the tube asked me if I like music - a sore subject at this time - but I couldn’t put headphones on in order not to speak to him because I had no music and just wearing them would be a whole new world of weird, my ears weren't cold, so instead I pretended I was deaf and luckily mine was the next stop so I jumped off the tube then out on the street met a dog in a neck chief called Snoop and this succeeded in cheering me up for the rest of the day….

Lots of new sections coming to the blog this week so keep checking back!