RANT | X-CESSMAS

                       
It's been a while since I did anything here but all will resume to normal come 2014 I promise. In the meantime, here's a little rant about what bothers me most at Christmas...

I love Waitrose as much as the next pseudo middle-class Northern born, South dwelling twatish suburbanite but sometimes they can take things too far. Like a really bad joke or that extra half bottle of port in the Christmas punch,  they can push things so far over the line that they force a convulsive head shake or even dry wretch. Waitrose's bonanza style Christmas can often have the same effect as watching a drunk family member failing to remember the Macarena alone on a make-shift dance floor down the local on Christmas eve - a kind of uncomfortable mixture of amuseemnt, pity, shame and yearning for a black out. Waitrose Christmas extras are like excessive sequins; bad for a waistline and not something that should be excused just because 'it's Christmas'.

What I’m getting at is a plea; can somebody please ask Waitrose to stop messing about and ponsifying (yes, I know it’s not a word but it fits best in this case) Christmas. It is fine as it is and has been for an awful long while. It doesn’t need glazing with morello cherry liqueur and a touch of gold leaf or covering in bloody pine nuts, that’s for Pret Wraps not sprouts. A Christmas sandwich is turkey, stuffing and all the (basic) trimmings, no sausage and definitely no gammon. Sweeter sprouts for kids? They can toughen up and gulp down those stinky mini cabbages like the rest of us. Instead of pigs in blanket, or as M&S imaginatively call them ‘devils on horseback’ (yeah, WTF?), this year the big W have gone and introduce dried orange and dates into the mix. Why? It’s the straw that broke the Mary laden Donkey’s back for me to be quite frank.I just keep thinking why? What does it add to the mix? Just because you can do something doesn't make it right,like Haim covering Sheryl Crowe or murder for example...Waitrose are basically murdering Christmas by coating it in a million extra flavours. This may sound OTT but it's true.

They’re trying to create an ‘unforgettable’ Christmas and that’s an honourable gesture (well, if they weren’t going to make a bloody fortune from it, it would be). What Waitrose are forgetting here is that an ‘unforgettable’ Christmas might not be a good one. The family who got burgled on Christmas eve or who stranded in an airport had an ‘unforgettable’ Christmas. Yes, Christmas is about excess and trying to inflict diabetes, gowt and heart-disease on oneself within a confined 48 time span but Waitrose have over egg (nogged) the pudding so much they’ve become the Kanye West of supermarkets - just too much!

Next they'll get Heston to create some sort of buffet all-in-one sweet & savoury hybrid in form of a trifle stuffed with cocktail sausages & vol au vents. Right, I’m off to flog that idea to the Waitrose product Department. It’ll go down a treat with some advocaat and swan fat coated, saffron infused roast potatoes. I'm coming Delia! Might pop to Aldi for some mince pies on the way though…

FOOD | LONDON

Been busy eating and drinking my way around London as a way of celebrating getting older. Here's some places I consumed at....

La Sacre Couer
You win no medals for guessing what type of cuisine is served here. This is a super cute rench Bistro off Upper St and it's wealth of eateries. On a corner of pretty Berton street this place feels relatively authentic-theatre posters on the walls, good wine, friendly French waiters- and is a great place to sit outside of on  a sunny day or enjoy an intimate meal in the evening. The prices are very pleasant for Islington too.

Cottons
Amazing Caribbean food and 300 types of rum. What's not to love. Went to the one in Camden but there's a sister restaurant at Exmouth Market. Go!

Cafe Columbia
If a bargain bagel and good cup of coffee served by some friendly cockneys and enjoyed in a little courtyard just off Columbia Road flower market on a Sunday's your thing, then off you trot. I do regularly!

Also had a chinese banquet in (surprise, surprise) Chinatown. It was yum but can't remember which restaurant. Sowy.

Foodie February

For me February has been all about 2 things - fashion and food. London Fashion week news is coming soon, so in the meantime, let's talk about food or fashion fuel as I like to call it. I LOVE eating out and have quite literally eaten my way around the capital this month so Ithought I would share my experiences of some of London’s abundance of restaurants and Cafes…

(I can’t eat dairy so any dairy recommendations are via friends who of course have exquisite taste)

Meat & Liquor

I was very excited about trying out London’s latest uber hip burger joint because it had received a lot of recommendations and good reviews. Fortunately it lived up to the hype and it was well worth queieng in the snow (no bookings) for these amazing burgers. As if those burgers aren’t enough there’s also onion rings the size of a fist, cider cocktails and a boisterous yet relaxed atmosphere to enjoy. And boy did we enjoy this place!

The Diner, Soho, Shoreditch & Camden

Another day another burger. I have visited4 out of the 5 of these Diners (not in one month!) and although the burgers aren’t quite meat and liquor quality the atmosphere is consistently fun and retro and the sweet potato fries are yummy. The boozy cocktails are also pretty immense!

Wahaca, Soho

This place is always pretty busy and ditto it’s bro in Covent Garden but it’s unsurprising considering the fast service and assortment of tasty Mexican Street food on offer.

Mezza Express, Camden

This place is tucked away on Parkway and is a hidden gem. The décor’s a bit kitsch and the owner is definitely characterful and likes to play pranks but this all adds to the relaxed atmosphere. The menu offers delicious authentic Lebanese fare that includes Homos Kebbeh, Falafel and a huge range of grilled meats. Not one to break the bank either.

Soho Joe

If it’s cheap and tasty pizza you’re after in a relaxed atmosphere with pleasant staff then this place will do the trick. A very chilled place.

Mien Tay, Kingsland Road

Actually regretting not going here sooner as it was a revelation. I personally much prefer Vietnamese food to Chinese and embrace unusual and varied menus so this place was heaven. We feasted on Quail, Goat and Frogs legs (I spent my formative years living in France) and when the bill came we almost fainted. It was SO CHEAP! If we’d brought our own booze it would have been cheaper than eating at home. Any excuse not to cook.

Canteen, Spitalfields

A popular choice for hearty grub on a Sunday. They weren’t taking bookings so the Maitre D’ offered to text when a table became vacant. 15 minutes of strolling around the market later we were sat by a window watching the busy shoppers and sipping a good selection of pale ale and ciders. The food was hearty and very English. Overall it was filling and quite tasty. A good location makes it a fair choice for a long lazy Sunday lunch.

Albion, Shoreditch

Boundary is a bit stuffy but this café is always buzzing and it’s no surprise with a menu full of English classics such as Rabbit Stew, Kedgeree and Crumble. This is also a great choice for (hungover) weekend brekkies as there’s a fine selection to choose from.

Inspiral, Camden

As an ex-vegetarian (8 years) and dairy intolerant this vegetarian café  is  a favourite for its great selection of vegetarian dishes. My particular favourite is their dairy free ice cream which comes in  a bonkers range of flavours. The location on the canal is also buzzy yet picturesque.

Food notes;

• The Palestinian falafel at Mr Falafel in Shepherds Bush is too good
• The Vietnamese coffee at Broadway market is delish
• Gluten, Wheat and Dairy free cakes that are still scrummy at Sugargrain, Borough Market. 

That’s February well and truly consumed. March is going to bring a few trips to recommended restaurants including the Lucky Chip residency at the Sebright Arms, a venture to Brixton Market and up North to Manchester, a ganders at the Soho Feast and some exploration into the world of Pie and Mash.