Valentine's

Good old Valentine's day is here again. It's become crystal clear that unless I hide on the moon (I would if I could)I can't ignore it. Pink fluffy hearts make me uneasy and the stuff I will witness on my facebook and twitter feeds will probably make me sick in my mouth multiple times throughout the day. I am not a romantic sorry. Actually I'm not even sorry. Since all the couples will already have plans that mostly involve performing OTT PDA’s all over the outside world I am going to focus on those who are often overlooked; the alone and those who want to be alone. After all, someone has too. The only sensible plan is to stay indoors with a hefty dose of cake, liquor and dark/controversial/funny/obscure viewing pleasures (no I don't mean porn but if that's what'll get you through...)


Anyway, here are my alternative  recommendations...


ALONE: Last thing you need is One Day or Marley and Me so here are some films devoid of heart warming sentimentality to watch alone, with your cat or your imaginary friend this Valentines.

Harold & Maude - the blackest of black comedies about a romance between a 19 year old who's obssessed with mortality and a 79 year old.

Heathers - a teen film about when a guy and girl meet and go on an “accidental” killing spree.

Maniac - crazy tubby guy with 80's mustache going about the city slaying various women, scalping them, and then nailing their scalps to his collection of mannequins.


WANT TO BE ALONE: Valentines can often strike panic rather than love into many hearts. The day approaches and the pressure gathers and before you know it you've gone and agreed to spend the evening with the first desperado who comes along. Often this can result in either instant regret or a long uncomfortable evening. Equally the pressure of Valentines day can often make people prolong a relationship that should have been shot like a dead duck a long time ago. Either way, Valentines is a hard/bad time to openly reject another person so there needs to be a plan. Put one of these on...

Fatal Attraction - the ultimate film about regretful encounters going wrong at the expense of an innocent bunny rabbit. If this doesn't have the unrequited running for the hills then accompany it with some hearty rabbit stew.

Blue Valentine - this dark and depressing tale about the slow and painful deterioration of a marriage will put you and your date off relationships for a very long time


Revolutionary Road - this film will send even the most conventional of folks running to an alternative lifestyle centre, convent, monastery, kibbutz, commune...


There you have it. Happy Valentines everybody!